Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
