i'm signing you up for texting rehab
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
