By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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