We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
