1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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