Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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