This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Is it because I queefed?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Randomize
