so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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