they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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