I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I am spending my child support on dildos
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
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