Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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