Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My feet surprised me
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize