I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
