If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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