I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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