Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
