Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
