i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
They left me at home... I'm a liability
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
