Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
