I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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