So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
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Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
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You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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