Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Just pee around me
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
