You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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