ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
