i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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