Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
