You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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