i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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