So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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