i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
dude. I can hear the air.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
