No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
