I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
