I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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