just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Randomize
