kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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