so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
my shit smells like andre
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
