not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
