I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
