If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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