he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
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