im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
