omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
