Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
