don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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