I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Is Oprah even human
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
