Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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