Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I lost the right to judge tonight
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
