oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
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Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
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How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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