I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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