I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
