Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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