No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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