She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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