Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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