Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
