I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
