Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(407): View more from Florida

I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.

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(207): View more from Maine

She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."

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(845): View more from New York

and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.

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(512): View more from Texas

He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.

(713): View more from Texas

Yeah you should have just let that thought go.

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(573): View more from Missouri

I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.

(573): View more from Missouri

Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.

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(641): View more from Iowa

Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.

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(904): View more from Florida

when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona

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(973): View more from New Jersey

We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth

(201): View more from New Jersey

but he had pizza... so i win

(973): View more from New Jersey

I give up.

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