my phone needs a breathalizer
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
