What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
