I skipped work to stalk him.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
