does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
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This is the prime rib incident all over again
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
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Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
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