Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
