My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
We are all done wearing pants today
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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