College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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