Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
