Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
