I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
