Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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