i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
