In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
