You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
